Here's your hat, Where are your socks?

I see the angels working and laboring in the area of protecting and directing little children in their infancy and growth. As I work together with them, I find that my deep-seeded pains are pulled and rooted and dealt with, as I give myself to something other than self.

A game that we started together was sock play with the children. They would eat the socks off their feet and one day in March, I came in and we started to play with the socks as balls. Where are your socks? and we chased them and we played rolling the socks and giggled and found infant delight playing ball with the socks. Karadyn, who was the oldest of the group always reminds me of that game when she takes off her socks. Yesterday, this many months after our first time playing that game, Kara took her socks and started an older version of the same game and the two of us were giggling, like teenagers. She is 1 and I am 53 and we are not even close to teenagers. She took her sock and kept teasing me with it and I kept pretending to try to take it.

I remember Ruth in this conversation, who was my most difficult relationship. When baby Ben had died, she said to me "Where's your faith, Jayne?" I keep hearing her and knowing that this question is exactly what that trial was about. She was the only one brave enough to ask me that. She wasn't impressed by my sore and sour attitude in the trial. She hadn't had that experience, but she knew that Christians are supposed to look for where God is, in their sufferings. It is not a game, but it is a truth that God is hiding a part of His presence behind that dark cloud of upsetment. He doesn't seem to be there, in the darkness, but He most certainly is there. Looking back, He asks, was I there with you, in the darkness? And it does seem like a game, one day in the future, when you see what you thought God was doing and you see what God was actually doing. God was drawing you closer to Himself. You could only see the tears.

I see that in Kara's game. I see that in the delightful game we created with each other. Where's your sock? That is my sock. No, it's your sock. We laugh about that, but I still can't laugh about my baby, but I know that he is with God and one day, I will know that Ruth's question was what that trial was all about. Where is your faith? I am still searching where my faith is on that issue. The angels and the babies are looking with me for it.